To Hold On or Not To Hold On

by Frans Stiene

“Feel the feelings and drop the story” – Pema Chodron

I notice so often these days that we are holding onto all these thoughts in our mind, filling our heads to the point of overflowing. We can make our thoughts so solid and create a whole story about them, then identifying with the story we weave around the thought. When we cling to the thoughts as if they are wrapped in cling wrap, we become all tied up, stuck.

Let me give you an example. Say your best friend says something to you, which you do not like. What would happen if you heard it and then just let it go? Not weaving a story about what has been said, not identifying with what has been said, not clinging to it at all. Imagine…how would you feel? Would you feel freer, lighter or heavier? Could you sleep easier or might it be harder to sleep if you let it all go? 

Now imagine the same scenario again, but now you are holding onto what has been said and weaving a whole story around it. You are identifying with your thoughts and the story. You cling to it for dear life, all caught up and stuck. How would you feel then? Lighter or heavier? Is it easier to sleep or harder because the story goes round and round in your mind like a cling-wrapped carousel that won’t let you go, let you off, let you rest?

“You are not bound by what you experience, but by your clinging to it. So cut through your clinging.” Tilopa (famous Indian Yogi)

Investigate for yourself, what sets you free, what makes you feel less caught up and tied up like cling wrap? 

Our habitual pattern is to hold on to our thoughts like we wrap our fingers around it, holding it in a fist. And often we hold it like that for years. No wonder we feel all tied up, tired, exhausted and full of jealousy, anger and worry. 

But what if we create a different habitual pattern and train ourselves to let it all go, to hold it in an open hand, dropping the story we tell ourselves when we cling to our thoughts? We would feel less jealousy, less anger and worry. We would feel more free and therefore also would have more energy. Holding onto something takes a lot of energy and this is why these days many people also experience burnout.

This all doesn’t mean that we should become numb or push our feelings away. No, it means we just don’t get caught up in the thought, we don’t hold onto it. No clinging, not creating a story around it all. Then it just vanishes like a wave in the sea; the wave – thought – comes and subsides all by itself. 

So next time you get caught up in clinging to your thoughts, creating a story, endlessly riding a mind merry-go-round, check with yourself: am I holding this thought in a fist or in an open hand?

If we could do this, hold our thoughts in an open hand, with an open mind, we would feel so much freer and therefore more compassionate and kinder to ourselves and others, as we drop the story and let It go.

All these ancient teachings point out the same again and again, below you find similar teachings from Tibetan Buddhism, Zen, Yogic, Thai Buddhism, and Taoism. They all point to the same teachings, thoughts are normal but train yourself not to cling to them, do not follow them, let them come and go.

“In meditation thoughts will come because the mind has energy. Thoughts are the mind’s natural expression. If you are not distracted by them and rest with them, they become a natural support for the meditation, providing energy. So just be relaxed with thoughts—let them be. Don’t engage with them. Remain in the present.” – The Relaxed Mind by Dza Kilung Rinpoche

“We are always so caught up in our past experiences that we are unable to experience this great wonder, this fresh-born amazement. Because we are trapped by our hard, fixed ideas, we sit to let go of them. This is why we have to sit–to let go of all of those preconceived notions, all of that clutter, everything that prevents us from being open to this wonder.” – Zen master Shodo Harada

“Whatever arises, whatever occurs, simply don’t cling to it, but immediately let it go.” – Niguma (Indian Yogini)

“You can have this attitude of letting go, of relaxing, of non-attachment, of nothing to do, of nothing to attain, of nothing to become. And yet you can be alert, awake, attentive, receptive. Being this awareness itself, rather than trying to control the situation according to what we like. Just allowing everything to be the way it is. Being this knowing, this infinity, this pure, conscious, non-personal reality.” – Ajahn Sumedho

“On the other hand, when a Taoist says that the Tao cannot be sought, he or she is acknowledging intrinsic reality. In reality, there is no method or practice that will allow us to find the Tao by acting as though it were external to us. But if it is true that the Tao cannot be searched for, what should one do? The answer lies where Huang Yuanji says: “The only way is to relinquish everything, so that one has not even a thread of attachment, remaining uncolored by the myriad circumstances of life.” This means restoring an unadulterated, here-and-now state of mind in which one is looking for nothing, pursuing nothing, and free of the thoughts of gaining or losing anything. In this state of mind, one allows all objects and phenomena to be as they are. One does not try to make additions to the entirety of all things, nor does one attempt to eliminate anything. One does not get caught up in anything, nor does one become colored by anything. One returns to placidity, to non-doing, to being what one is. When abiding in this state, it is possible to experience the limitless energy field that is the qi of empty nothingness. This state comes from such complete relinquishment that not even a tiny thread of attachment remains.But this state cannot be desperately striven after. As I said earlier in this chapter, one cannot struggle against one’s present state of being. Rather, one needs to use wisdom while shining one’s observant gaze upon one’s present state. That is what will enable one’s being to transform, uncompelled, by virtue of its own nature.” – Taoist Inter Alchemy by Ge Guolong and Huang Yuanji

Below are some wonderful teachings by a great Zen master about all of this too:

“Our state of mind of holding on to nothing at all is our true substance. Holding on to nothing at all does not mean that we lose our memories. It means that we don’t become confused by those memories. When we mix the reality in front of us with our memories of the past, those preconceived notions distort everything, and we can no longer receive things precisely as they are. We are alive right here and right now; we are not living in the past or in the future. When we add on the activity of a me and an I, we cannot see and hear what others are seeing and hearing. Because of this we become unable to believe other human beings. If we can receive the world without dualistic perception—just as when we are physically thirsty, we know to drink water; when we are hungry, we know to eat—we will learn to see clearly and know the truth directly. We understand that all beings are one and feel gratitude for this spontaneously.” – Not One Single Thing by Shodo Harada

“When you see or hear something, leave it at that first perception. Don’t think about what has yet to happen. Always be fresh and ready for whatever does happen. Then, in each moment, the wisdom needed comes forth spontaneously.” – Not One Single Thing by Shodo Harada

“An unmoved mind does not mean a mind that doesn’t move. It is not a mind that is stagnant and fixed, or one that is immobile like a tree or a rock. Rather, an unmoved mind is a mind that is not fixed anywhere, that doesn’t stop and linger in any one place. This mind is always in motion because it never attaches to anything. This, paradoxically, is the true meaning of an “unmoving” mind. When we hear this, we may think that it is nearly impossible to have a mind that is never stopped by anything or never adheres to anything. In fact, it is very simple and straightforward. If we look at it clearly, we’ll see that even a baby has this type of mind. In the mind of a baby there is no fear of being killed, or something terrible happening. In the mind of a baby there’s no extra layer of expectation added to what is perceived. I’am not saying that a baby is the same thing as a kendo master, or that a baby is a master of life. But what is it that allows a baby to perceive each thing directly? What is it that makes us unable to live in this state of mind? It’s not that we acquired a new mind in the process of growing older – that is not possible. We’re all endowed with this mind of a baby, but we’ve accumulated so much extraneous baggage that it is no longer accessible to us. We’ve gathered conceptual ideas, layers of conditioning, various experiences, and rational interpretations of those experiences. To know our original mind we must completely let go of all this clutter.” – Zen Master Shodo Harada

“The purpose of Zen is not to become people who don’t think, but to think only when we need to, not to be lost in unnecessary thoughts but to see what is most necessary right now. If we cook rice, we have to think about how much to cook and how to do it the best way. If we are chopping wood, we have to think about the best way to chop, or if we grow vegetables, we have to think about the best way to cultivate them. But people are always thinking instead about how they look to others. When it is cold, put on clothes; when you are hungry, just eat. No extra decorations need to be added to these actions. When you are sick, become sick completely. When meeting a crisis, instead of grumbling and saying, “Why did this have to happen to me?” just become that crisis completely, without separating from it and complaining. Don’t think about extra things, but live totally embracing just what comes to you, not carrying thoughts about the past or wondering what’s going to happen in the future. If you only think what is necessary, you won’t be carrying the past around, thinking “I should have done that,” “Oh, if I’d only done it this way.” We miss the present when we carry around these kinds of thoughts. Live this moment fully in the most appropriate way!” – Zen Master Shodo Harada

“The Sixth Patriarch stresses that to realize nonthought is to not hold on to anything, no ideas like living and dying, happy and sad, beautiful and ugly. Nonthought is like a mirror that precisely reflects only what comes in front of it, with no opinions or feelings about that which it reflects. Holding on to nothing at all, nonthought does not add on discriminative ideas about things. Nor does it hold on to an intellectual understanding of something; rather, it becomes the thing itself. We don’t lose our past experiences and memories, but we aren’t caught on them and confused by them. We don’t mix them up into everything we see and hear. Our zazen does not erase our past but allows us to see the present totally and clearly.” – Zen Master Shodo Harada

“When our zazen and state of mind are well aligned, the past, present, and future will not be confusing. Our emotions and ideas will not be a problem. We can experience clearly what we see, what we hear, what we feel. Like water that flows by, when things are finished, they are gone. Because we are one with everything and not hanging on to anything, we are always right here, right now. But if we are moved around by circumstances, it cannot work like this. As long as we are acting out of habit, we will be buffeted by what we see, hear, and feel. When our body, mind, and awareness blend into one, each and every moment’s actuality is well ripened, with no division between inside and outside. This is correct perception.” – Zen Master Shodo Harada

“One of the Japanese words for mind is kokoro. The word koro is the onomatopoeia for “rolling along.” Something that rolls like a ball is koro koro koro. So kokoro is something that is always moving and changing, never stopped. There is no object or form that we can identify as mind. It is always changing. Though we are always looking for something to rely on, we cannot find it in something called mind. In the Diamond Sūtra, the Buddha talks about the mind of the past, the mind of the present, and the mind of the future. Our past mind comprises our knowledge and experience. It does not exist in the present, but we access it for information about what we’re doing in the present. If we have preconceived notions about things because of that mind of the past, they may blind us to the reality of the present. That is also true of the mind of the future, which makes plans and directs our actions but is not an actuality. Yet the mind of the present isn’t real either. If we name a now, it is already gone by the time we have named it. “We cannot be aware of a present moment. Once we notice it, it is already a past moment.” – Zen master Shodo Harada

“If we have a lot of stagnation in our physical body and tight places where the energy is caught, then it’s only to be expected that we’ll have many stuck places in our mind as well. Much of our extraneous thinking comes from our energy not flowing smoothly. If you tense the upper half of your body then all your energy will go into that effort. However, if you keep centred in your lower half and properly align your back, your energy will flow freely and you’ll feel the upper half of your body becoming loose and relaxed. Thus it’s important to always keep your spine straight and let go of the tension in your upper part of your body. When you get rid of that stagnation and relax the places that are tense, you discover that many of the blockages in your mind also become looser and more fluid.” – How to do Zazen by Shodo Harada