To Hold On or Not To Hold On

by Frans Stiene

“Feel the feelings and drop the story” – Pema Chodron

I notice so often these days that we are holding onto all these thoughts in our mind, filling our heads to the point of overflowing. We can make our thoughts so solid and create a whole story about them, then identifying with the story we weave around the thought. When we cling to the thoughts as if they are wrapped in cling wrap, we become all tied up, stuck.

Let me give you an example. Say your best friend says something to you, which you do not like. What would happen if you heard it and then just let it go? Not weaving a story about what has been said, not identifying with what has been said, not clinging to it at all. Imagine…how would you feel? Would you feel freer, lighter or heavier? Could you sleep easier or might it be harder to sleep if you let it all go? 

Now imagine the same scenario again, but now you are holding onto what has been said and weaving a whole story around it. You are identifying with your thoughts and the story. You cling to it for dear life, all caught up and stuck. How would you feel then? Lighter or heavier? Is it easier to sleep or harder because the story goes round and round in your mind like a cling-wrapped carousel that won’t let you go, let you off, let you rest?

“You are not bound by what you experience, but by your clinging to it. So cut through your clinging.” Tilopa (famous Indian Yogi)

Investigate for yourself, what sets you free, what makes you feel less caught up and tied up like cling wrap? 

Our habitual pattern is to hold on to our thoughts like we wrap our fingers around it, holding it in a fist. And often we hold it like that for years. No wonder we feel all tied up, tired, exhausted and full of jealousy, anger and worry. 

But what if we create a different habitual pattern and train ourselves to let it all go, to hold it in an open hand, dropping the story we tell ourselves when we cling to our thoughts? We would feel less jealousy, less anger and worry. We would feel more free and therefore also would have more energy. Holding onto something takes a lot of energy and this is why these days many people also experience burnout.

This all doesn’t mean that we should become numb or push our feelings away. No, it means we just don’t get caught up in the thought, we don’t hold onto it. No clinging, not creating a story around it all. Then it just vanishes like a wave in the sea; the wave – thought – comes and subsides all by itself. 

So next time you get caught up in clinging to your thoughts, creating a story, endlessly riding a mind merry-go-round, check with yourself: am I holding this thought in a fist or in an open hand?

If we could do this, hold our thoughts in an open hand, with an open mind, we would feel so much freer and therefore more compassionate and kinder to ourselves and others, as we drop the story and let It go.

All these ancient teachings point out the same again and again, below you find similar teachings from Tibetan Buddhism, Zen, Yogic, Thai Buddhism, and Taoism. They all point to the same teachings, thoughts are normal but train yourself not to cling to them, do not follow them, let them come and go.

“In meditation thoughts will come because the mind has energy. Thoughts are the mind’s natural expression. If you are not distracted by them and rest with them, they become a natural support for the meditation, providing energy. So just be relaxed with thoughts—let them be. Don’t engage with them. Remain in the present.” – The Relaxed Mind by Dza Kilung Rinpoche

“We are always so caught up in our past experiences that we are unable to experience this great wonder, this fresh-born amazement. Because we are trapped by our hard, fixed ideas, we sit to let go of them. This is why we have to sit–to let go of all of those preconceived notions, all of that clutter, everything that prevents us from being open to this wonder.” – Zen master Shodo Harada

“Whatever arises, whatever occurs, simply don’t cling to it, but immediately let it go.” – Niguma (Indian Yogini)

“You can have this attitude of letting go, of relaxing, of non-attachment, of nothing to do, of nothing to attain, of nothing to become. And yet you can be alert, awake, attentive, receptive. Being this awareness itself, rather than trying to control the situation according to what we like. Just allowing everything to be the way it is. Being this knowing, this infinity, this pure, conscious, non-personal reality.” – Ajahn Sumedho

“On the other hand, when a Taoist says that the Tao cannot be sought, he or she is acknowledging intrinsic reality. In reality, there is no method or practice that will allow us to find the Tao by acting as though it were external to us. But if it is true that the Tao cannot be searched for, what should one do? The answer lies where Huang Yuanji says: “The only way is to relinquish everything, so that one has not even a thread of attachment, remaining uncolored by the myriad circumstances of life.” This means restoring an unadulterated, here-and-now state of mind in which one is looking for nothing, pursuing nothing, and free of the thoughts of gaining or losing anything. In this state of mind, one allows all objects and phenomena to be as they are. One does not try to make additions to the entirety of all things, nor does one attempt to eliminate anything. One does not get caught up in anything, nor does one become colored by anything. One returns to placidity, to non-doing, to being what one is. When abiding in this state, it is possible to experience the limitless energy field that is the qi of empty nothingness. This state comes from such complete relinquishment that not even a tiny thread of attachment remains.But this state cannot be desperately striven after. As I said earlier in this chapter, one cannot struggle against one’s present state of being. Rather, one needs to use wisdom while shining one’s observant gaze upon one’s present state. That is what will enable one’s being to transform, uncompelled, by virtue of its own nature.” – Taoist Inter Alchemy by Ge Guolong and Huang Yuanji