The Frans Stiene Hosts’ Survival Diaries — Episode 2: “Fransification”

Bronwen Logan Articles, English 2 Comments

The other day I had the pleasure to chat with fellow Frans Stiene host and survivor Helene Williams. Helene was the organizer of this year’s retreat in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and Frans’ kind host during his stay. 

When we chatted, we noted many similarities: naming areas of our houses after Frans (Frans’s room, Frans’s guest sofa-bed.) The ability to excuse any of his pranks and public performance by saying, “It’s OK, he’s from Holland.” And the feeling of hollowness his parting leaves… mixed with a bit of “OMG, I can rest now.”

We also talked about the difference between wrangling Frans in New York versus Lancaster, where you have to drive. If you think being in a car will stop him from talking to anyone, you don’t know Frans. He will lower the window and start signaling and, of course, sing the precepts. Helene and I kindly suggest you activate the children’s window lock if you don’t want to socialize in traffic. 

But what really—and I mean REALLY—got us talking was an effect we call Fransification. The term, I believe, was coined by Andrea Kartika in New York, and it means the process in which you go from thinking, “Hey, he’s a cool dude but a bit odd” to “OMG, I LOVE this guy” in like five seconds. 

Both Helene and I have seen it a thousand times. We have witnessed it in class, where most of us women (and men too to be honest) at one point look at him with dewy eyes. We have observed it in restaurants, where cute waitresses start rolling their eyes and end up drooling over him. In Lancaster, our waitress batted her fake eyelashes so hard they almost fell in our dish. No kidding.

How do you know if you or anyone you know has been Fransified?  If you are asking yourself any of the following questions:

  • Do I need to speak Dutch to move to Holland?
  • How do I stop my partner from coming to Reiki retreats?
  • How many Reiki 3 classes can I afford in one year?
  • Should I message Frans about every interesting or weird article I read?
  • Is it legal to marry my Reiki teacher?

Then yes, you have been Fransified. 

But worry not! 

First, do not leave your partner (at least immediately) or try to kidnap Frans (this has actually happened.) 

Instead, allow the feeling of Fransification to arise without attachment. Observe them but do not engage with it. 

Usually, intense feelings of Fransification wash away after three to five days. After that, you realize, “duh, it was just spiritual love!” 

What is left is warmth and gratitude for sharing some precious moments of your life with such a lively, loving, and adorable elf. 

And remember to be compassionate to yourself. Until today, only my badass virtual assistant Alexa has proven un-Fransifiable.

Good luck. Nathalie and Helene.

Guest Author / Translator:

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