by Yuli Y
I sat in a circle alongside my fellow Reiki classmates as we reflected on our final meditative practice in the three-day Shinpiden Reiki III workshop with our beloved teacher Frans Stiene.
As I took in the gentle smile curling at the corners of everyone’s lips, the thought returned,
“Am I the only one who feels nothing?”
Two years earlier, in the same workshop, that very question had brought self-doubt:
“That’s it. I’m the only one not feeling it, so I’m the only one not getting it.”
Two years on, sitting again with the same void of sensory feedback, I noticed a spaciousness between that void and doubt–a quiet knowing of my connection with the mystery.
One way to align with the honesty of my practice, I felt, was to share this void with the group.
“Actually, most of the time, I don’t feel anything during my Reiki practice–including just now,” I confessed.
Frans told the story of an old man, who practiced Reiki for years and never felt anything.
“But he continued,” Frans said, “because he saw the results of his practice on himself and others.”
The straightforward response did resonate.
Returning home, I got into the lift with another woman. The button for the third floor lit up as she pressed it. I pressed 23, but the button did not light up. Hmm… I pressed again. Still nothing, except for a little frustration creeping in.
“Maybe it’s just the light,” The woman said, matter-of-factly.
On the 3rd floor, she stepped out, leaving me alone in a mystery.
Maybe it’s just the light, I thought.
The door closed.
The button for 23 remained dark.
The lift began to move.
4, 5, 6… Ah. Up.
18, 19, 20… it kept rising.
On 23, the door opened.
It was just the light.
I walked out and got home.
Comments 2
Ohh, so beautifully written.
Yuli, How beautiful that you have been able to share your feelings of “not feeling anything” — a sense of “not getting it right.” What I have found over the years of practicing Reiki is that I try to be conscious of letting go of the outcome and of my own personal hopes or expectations for a specific result during a Reiki session. If you can “just be” as in just being present with yourself as the practitioner and with the client, trusting that there is an interconnection already in process, then perhaps the pressure of evaluating your experience will be lifted. This can seem difficult in a world that is often so focused on performance and evaluations and results. If you can embrace the “not knowing” or the “not feeling” perhaps you are actually “getting it right” after all!!